The #1 Reason You Are Failing to Meet Your Fitness Goal

The number one reason I see people failing to meet their goals is a staple, and one that has been on my mind a lot lately, as it is something I am coming up against not as a trainer, but as a parent.

My child struggles, as many children do, with telling the truth. It often is not insidious. It is sometimes just easier to lie. They say, " Yes, I used the bathroom," instead of just going, and we have to stop in the middle of our drive to find a bathroom. "I picked up my mess; I finished my dinner; I didn't watch any television." They are pretty mild and unimportant, in the grand scheme of things, but there is a deeper harm done. It is a harm to our underlying relationship, the trust that exists between parent and child, between human and human. In the end, I end up feeling like I have to check every word my child says against reality, and my child feels like they can't say anything without criticism and suspicion from me. We argue more. We bicker. There is a rift which must be repaired or grow deeper.

Most human children go through this period. It is a valuable learning experience in boundaries, consequences, relationships, how we shape reality and reality shapes us.

As adults, the relationship with the truth can be equally problematic, but in some different ways. The rifts have had more time to grow deeper.

My concern is not the lies and untruths and half truths adults tell each other. The main problem I see is the dishonesty we have with ourselves.

Every time I have a consult with a new client, they tell me they eat pretty healthy. Every time.

Some are eating healthy. People come to personal trainers for all sorts of reasons, and a lot of people who seek out a trainer are already pretty healthy, they just want to do that little bit better.

Some know that they are lying, and often admit it with the next breath.

But some are lying to themselves.

I have done this before. I told myself that I ate healthy as I gained 50 pounds in college. I told myself I ate healthy as went to a vegetarian diet but still ate mostly junk food, just with no meat. I told myself I exercised a lot because I took a long walk on the weekend. And I believed it, too.

My college years.

These people who tell me they are eating healthy believe it. They believe that they get enough vegetables because they have a little salad or a side of broccoli with dinner most nights. They think they are drinking enough water because they drink a glass when they get up in the morning. They think they don't eat that much because that takeout was on the healthy part of the menu.

Look, something green!

These are all fallacies. They are based on the five active good choices we make in a day, instead of the hundreds of unconscious ones. I thought I ate enough vegetables because most of what I ordered or cooked had a little onion, a little bell pepper, a few pieces of broccoli. This ignored the majority of my meals being based in a processed carb or deep fried. I went to the gym or for a long walk a few times a month, but I didn't remember the majority of my days being sedentary on a bed, chair, or couch.

I had a client tell me they ate healthy, but almost every meal was from a drive-through or takeout, and when they actually tracked, they realized they were eating three times the calories they needed to maintain weight, and met very few of their nutritional requirements.

People tell me they exercise regularly in our first appointment, but time after time, when I ask at our sessions, they will say they didn't have time that week. They assure me this week is different, busier, more hectic, and I know that can happen! But every week?

Our memory is a leaky vessel, a faulty computer. It tells us what we want to hear.

I know this could come off as harsh, dismissive. I assure you that is not the place from which this stems. A lot of the work I do for myself, whether for meeting a fitness goal, growing as a person, or building better relationships, is based in the idea that I am not a perfect judge. I have no possession of perfect insight. I know I lie to myself. I know I misremember. I know how easy it is to deceive myself. I always advocate gentleness to my clients for this reason. If I point out every lie a person is telling themselves as soon as I discover or suspect it, they will not only hate me and never want to work with me again, but they will be potentially crushed or they will dig further into their self-deception. Both outcomes do not support the growth they desire, and which I want for them.

We have to peel back our self-deception in thin layers, leaving time to heal between each disillusionment.

This is all well, but how do you do this? How do you discover your personal untruths, the things holding you back from meeting your goals?

The strongest tool we have is simple: track it. Measure. Write it down. With every ounce of honesty and effort you can muster, write down whatever it is that you want to work on.

I get a lot of pushback from this. People just don't want to. Life is busy, work demands a lot, you have children or hobbies or projects.

And that is fine. Maybe that is another truth you need to admit. You have other priorities, and that is ok! That is understandable! Of course your kids are going to be more important than tracking your food. Of course your work takes priority over logging your cardio minutes. Of course cleaning and maintaining your home is going to take up time and energy.

You decide your priorities, and they are valid.

There are ways to get around some of this. You can use technology: watches that track your steps and workouts effortlessly; taking a picture of your body or food instead of meticulous measuring and writing; using a smart scale. You can use outsourcing: hire someone to clean, watch your kid, finish a project.

But sometimes you do just have to grit your teeth and do the hard thing. Sometimes the problem is that you have not really tried. Sometimes the problem is the dissonance between what you really want and what your habits are.

I learned to be honest with myself and acknowledged I am never going to work out after 4pm unless it is by accident or for fun, and that if I really wanted to work out, I needed to do it in the morning or early afternoon. I learned to track my food so when I'm not meeting a nutrition goal, I know exactly what is holding me back and what I need to change. Honesty is one of the most powerful tools you have, and one of the most painful. But you know what else hurts? Failing again and again because you won't let yourself see the problem.

I have written at greater length about tracking and measuring here, so if you want more detail about HOW to do that, check out that post.